The Week Eddie Made a Terrible Gaffe
What a week! You sent that email accidentally and you tried to retract it but we all know that doesn’t really work. Then you didn’t hear back from the person and well, what does that mean? You had to stress out about it for some time. You certainly didn’t have time to read the paper or watch the TV news. But now you want to go out drinkin’ and talkin’ and you need things to say. What to do? … A solution is at hand.
What to read if you’ve been too busy to read this week.
- Someone throws another sandwich at Prime Minister Julia Gillard. Speaking points: I still don’t know what type of sandwich the first one was let alone this one but apparently this one included salami. Finally, reporters are telling it like it is.
- Eddie McGuire jokes on air that Adam Goodes should promote King Kong. His co-host Luke Darcy runs a million miles. Then he breaks down on air about it and there’s an investigation. Speaking points: was he being ironic? Or can you not be ironic about racism? Probably not. Also, do you plan to see King Kong – the musical? is he a baritone?
- A Victorian Parliamentary Inquiryrecommends changing laws so that teens who send sexy images of each aren’t charged under child porn laws. Speaking points: yep, there’s a Parliamentary Inquiry into sexting. That happened.
- At another Victorian Parliamentary inquiry, Cardinal George Pell appears and says, “I am fully apologetic and absolutely sorry,” about sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. Speaking points: child sexual abuse is an unbearable unspeakable thing and certainly not something to make light of at drinks.
- A baby is cut out of a pipe in China. Everyone wants to help. Apparently it was an accident (despite earlier reports the mother did it to dispose of the baby). The baby is now back with the mother. Speaking points: the baby is being called Baby 59. I don’t know why. You could probably find out.
- Syria’s President Al-Assad says they’ve already received anti-aircraft missiles from Russia. Speaking points: so that’s comforting if you’re travelling in the Middle East.
- Letters testing positive for ricin are sent to New York Mayor, Michael Bloomberg. Speaking points: did you know ricin is surprisingly easy to make? Don’t reveal that at drinks though; you don’t want to look like a pyscho.
Entertainment & Gossip
- The Guardian launches in Australia. Speaking points: this is what you should totally be reading if you want to seem learned.
- Orlando Bloom jets into Sydney to promote British Airways. Speaking points: well this is awkward given his wife Miranda Kerr promotes Qantas. Must be so uncomfortable when booking flights. Meanwhile the Sydney Telly gets shirty that he wouldn’t have his photo taken.
- Justin Bieber is under investigation for reckless driving in a Ferrari in a gated community. Speaking points: first of all, I’m pretty shocked he has his licence. Secondly, most stories about Justin Bieber lessen my will to live. This one is no exception.
- Ricky Ponting says Australia got lazy. Speaking points: it’s so lovely when former insiders go rogue. Ricky Ponting is the Mark Latham of cricket. Discuss.
- Canterbury Bulldogs appoint the first female CEO of a rugby league team, Raelene Castle. Speaking points: will they be equal opportunity with the sexual harassment now?
- Gai Waterhouse gets a $5500 fine from racing stewards for failing to give an accurate report of horse, More Joyous’, condition before racing in April. Speaking points: apparently she’s considering appealing the fine. Seriously, 5500 wouldn’t even buy one of her handbags.
- Josh Reynolds rather than John Sutton gets a spot in the Origin team for NSW. Speaking points: this picture shows that neither had rock hard abs so it must have been a tough call.
- The French Open starts. Speaking points: if you care about tennis, you will already know all about this. If you don’t, just talk about Bernard Tomic’s father again, or Bernie’s fighting spirit
Emergency go to subject
- 94% of British survey respondents would rather go without sex than their mobile phones.
Prediction for next week
- You will think about making dinner but realise it’s easier to get takeaway.
IT Quote of the week
- Just email it to me and I’ll print it for you.