The Week the Budget Happened
What a week! The printer was constantly running out of paper and your boss tried to friend you on Facebook. Stressful. You certainly didn’t have time to read the newspaper or watch the TV news. But now you want to shoot the breeze over a nice drink or two. What to do? … A solution is at hand.
What to read if you’ve been too busy to read this week.
- Wayne Swan delivered the Federal budget this week. In the spirit of optimism, he declared he was confident the budget would return to surplus within four years. Speaking Points: Like all budgets, the fun and excitement never ends. How did you fare? Pregnant couples lost the baby bonus, leading Flack colleague Monty Chevalier to declare that was the end of any hope he held for spawning progeny. Declare that Swanny should have opened with ‘Since this could be my last budget, I’m allocating room in the budget for every Australian to get a pair of budgie smugglers.’
- Karl Stefanovic played a prank on sports reporter, Roz Kelly, by playing funny buggers with the autocue. Speaking points: Ahh, Karl, such a joker in the morning! Tell anyone who’ll listen that Ron Burgundy got there first. Do people who watch breakfast television even know where Amsterdam is?
- The Australian dollar fell below parity against the greenback. Speaking points: How will we all afford to take the kids to Disneyland? Tell everyone how low the dollar was when you used to travel to America. Stare into your drink, pensive, as you do it.
- WA Education minister declared it was a silly mistake to Facebook like a picture of a teenage liberal supporter with his tackle out. Speaking points: In his defence, the picture was an example of the photo bombing practice known as ‘sneaky nuts’. Tell everyone how your grandad used to do sneaky nuts without knowing every time there was a beach holiday shot. Isn’t this just another reason why politicians should avoid Facebook?
- President Obama this week sacked the head of the American Tax Office, the IRS. He had to do this because it was discovered that the IRS was targeting political groups aligned to the Tea Party movement opposed to the President. Speaking points: From a Tea Party perspective (people who hate Government and tax) this would have confirmed everything they believe to be true. Like Andrew Bolt proving climate change is not true, or Caroline Wilson finding out James Hird was behind giving illegal peptides to Essendon players.
- Things in Syria got crazy-worse this week with a video being released of a man eating the heart of his enemy. So, things are totally not getting any better there then. Speaking points: This kind of thing is only okay in the safety of Indiana Jones movies.
- The President of the Czech Republic made a public appearance in a state that could be described as ‘tired and emotional‘. Or, it could also be described as ‘hammered drunk’. He was also at a religious ceremony – classy. Speaking points: The Czech people, renowned for their love of consuming large amounts of beer, loved it. Hmmmm, interesting. What national leader of a country that likes a drink and needs a boost in popularity do we know of? Seriously Julia, think about it.
Entertainment & Gossip
- Angelina Jolie announced this week she had undergone a double mastectomy due to a high risk of breast cancer in her family. Unless you are mentally warped in some way, this was pretty inspiring. Speaking points: This was so totally, 100%, awesome it makes up for her having made The Tourist.
- Celebrity Splash is over!!! Hip hip, hooray!!! Speaking points: Maybe you can take your money back out of your “self managed” super fund and actually begin to plan for a future beyond next week. There is hope for society yet! (Just don’t watch the ads for the next Masterchef.)
- The head of the ABC, Mark Scott, announced he was commissioning an Australian Jon Stewart style news program to target young people and was bringing together a group of writers for the task. Awkwardly, The Flack’s phone hasn’t rung… Speaking points: He cited ‘Behind the News’ as an example of previous shows that had played that role. What the? Also, do you think he has actually ever watched Shaun Micallef’s ‘Mad as Hell’?
- Gerard Healy inadvertently revealed his opinion of the AFL expansion program by mispronouncing the name ‘Gold Coast Suns’. Speaking points: We know that his brother played for Melbourne, but this is taking the blood is thicker than water thing too far. Fox footy are really pulling the stops out for engaging football coverage.
- A number of Indian Premier League cricketers were allegedly implicated in match fixing, including one Australian. Speaking points: Shaun Tait, he of the chaos theory approach to bowling, angrily denied he was involved. Tell everyone that there was no way Tait could be guilty because there is no way he could control what he does on a cricket field.
- A week after the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson from Manchester United, cross town rivals Manchester City sacked their manager, Roberto Mancini, after losing the FA cup final. Speaking points: Talk about tough audience. Less than a year ago he won them their first League title since forever. He also signed a five year deal not so long ago, meaning he will get an enormous payout. Winning clearly doesn’t offer job security.
- Wigan Athletic rode the highs and lows of professional sport, winning the FA Cup on Sunday before being relegated from the Premier League on Tuesday. Speaking points: Talk about conflicting emotions! One nice part of this story was the sight of Wigan owner, Dave Whelan, holding the FA Cup aloft after breaking his leg as a player in the losing 1960 FA Cup final, playing for Wigan of course.
- The Melbourne Football Club hit rock bottom again, gifting Gold Coast their first ever win in Melbourne. Speaking points: If you see a Demon fan, hug them. They don’t really understand the concept of teamwork, or winning, or rebuilding.
Emergency go to subject
- Police were called to a science fiction convention in Norwich after an argument between two rival groups of fans turned violent. Seriously. Some Star Wars and Doctor Who fans came to blows. And there you were at work like a sucker.
IT quote of the week
- “Sorry, I am on leave traveling to Norwich and won’t be back until the 19th. In case the matter is urgent please call Bill on ext. 6758.”