The Flack

Caroline Wilson’s Story Writing Template

Posted May 1, 2013 by Titus in Regular Items

Here is the template The Age’s chief football writer Caroline Wilson uses to write her stories:

Headline: (Name) Must Resign/be sacked

The recent (revelations/report/announcement/unsubstantiated rumours) make the position of (President/CEO/Coach/Player/Work Experience kid) completely untenable.

(Insert Club or individual) now has no choice but to (sack/resign).

There can be no doubt that this incident has potentially destroyed the reputation of the AFL and if not dealt with, will mean we will all be playing soccer next year.

It has been revealed to me by (named source/unnamed source/club insider/AFL insider/Someone on Twitter/the bartender at my local) that AFL Chief Andrew Demetriou was (extremely concerned/in complete denial/not returning my calls/wondering when I’ll write something positive about football) when briefed about this issue.

The AFL is expected to take a dim view of the (club/individual)’s handling of this incident, as it is understood league bosses had been increasingly concerned by the influence of (Sports scientists/organised crime/betting companies/Dane Swan).

While the details of this incident are yet to be fully revealed, it’s clear the (club/individual) faces (Prison/Sanctions/removal of draft picks/million dollar fines/a stern talking to/a strongly worded email/mocking at the pub/an appearance on Celebrity Splash).

The broader football community have openly been questioning the actions of (club/player) for months now and are believed to be (outraged/considering legal action/busy trying to win football games/mystified regarding what I was talking about when asked).

Whichever way events unfold over the upcoming days, AFL football will never recover from this.

In conclusion, Brad Scott is out of control. Don’t just listen to me, lots of people in the football community have been saying so. I won’t name them of course.

First Draft of Ziggy Switkowski’s Report into Essendon

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About the Author


Writer, political agitator and broadcaster, Titus O’Reily was born in May 1962. Abandoned by his parents within hours of his birth, Titus was raised by the Sisters of Collective Misery. Titus has risen to folk hero status amongst Australians due to his long running campaigns to lower the drinking age and prevent anyone entering Australia, including Australians returning from holidays. Titus is known as ‘the voice of Australia’s working class’, despite the fact he long lost touch with them and in the main, reality. He currently lives on a large farm with three sisters while writing for The Flack.


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