The Week Nora Ephron Died and Offshore Processing was Debated
What a week! The Execs met and made decisions. There was a farewell function. At one stage the photocopier jammed for no reason and the email system “upgrade” made everyone jumpy. You certainly didn’t have time to read the news or watch it. But now you deserve a drink to wash away the horror and you need to seem informed. What to do? … A solution is at hand.
What to read if you’ve been too busy to read this week.
- Debate in Parliament on Robert Oakeshott’s bill to support offshore processing of asylum seekers. Liberal frontbencher, Michael Keenan, cries about a child dying at sea. The bill passes the lower house but is defeated in the Senate. Speaking points: if you want to polarise your work place (or not, depending on how homogenous it is, I guess), take a firm stance on this issue. Alternatively, talk about who you think pulled off crying best in the debate. Joe Hockey apparently also teared up.
- Age and Sydney Morning Herald editors quit in a coordinated announcement. Speaking points: talk about how they were pushed and blame Gina. Or if you like Gina, and disliked the editors, look smug and say, “Vive la Revolution!”
- News Limited journalist, Steve Lewis has his texts tabled in Slipper case revealing that he said to Slipper’s alleged victim, “We will get him!” Speaking points: gotta love a journalist who barracks openly rather than surreptitiously.
- Kristina Keneally steps down from politics to head up Basketball Australia. Speaking points: hurrah for Kristina leaving on her own terms. Nathan Rees repeating his claims that she was a puppet made him look a bit of a goose, am I wrong?
- Mohamed Morsi wins Egyptian presidency and announces decision to pick Copt and a woman as his Vice Presidents, pledging to be inclusive. Speaking points: some background to fact it up like a boss. He received a PhD from the University of Southern California, where he was an assistant professor, in 1982.
- Supreme Court in the US upholds the constitutionality of Obama’s health plan as a tax by a vote of 5-4 with the usually conservative Chief Justice joining the liberals in the majority. Speaking points: fear not, conservatives, Mitt Romney says he will get rid of it as soon as he’s elected. Yay! Less Healthcare.
- Wildfire in Colorado sees tens of thousands flee homes. President Obama tours fire-stricken areas. Speaking points: the most powerful people in disaster conditions are people in fluoro vests who have stop signs. These people are to be feared and respected.
- A bunch of prominent people support Julian Assange by letter. Speaking points: if you’re on board with Assange, say this is masterstroke for free speech. If you are not, take the mickey out of people writing a sternly worded letter.
- Hamas says one of its militants has been assassinated in Syria and blames Israel. Asked about the allegations, Israeli Defense Minister says, “I don’t think that is necessarily true.” Speaking points: I am going to use that response all the time now.
Entertainment & Gossip
- Nora Ephron, writer and director of When Harry Met Sally, amongst many many other awesome things, dies, aged 71. Speaking points: she had so many great lines including, “Pesto is the quiche of the nineties,” and, about another woman, “Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare.”
- Grant Hackett goes on 60 Minutes and talks about trashing his home in a drunken rage but is like, totes embarrassed about that. Whoops! Speaking points: Channel 9 continues its bid for the much coveted Most Feminist Olympics Commentary Team Award.
- Clive James says rumours of his death greatly exaggerated. Speaking points: that’s just what he would say, and say it sarcastically.
- Placebo album cover kid says he’s going to sue the band for ruining his life. Speaking points: by way of contrast, the kid from the Nirvana Nevermind album cover really likes Nirvana and is still introduced as the ‘Nirvana baby.’ Who would you rather be?
- Harry Kewell quits Melbourne Victory due to family reasons (his mother in law is sick in UK). Speaking points: refer to favourite Harry Kewell moment. Definitely pretend you once met him and be sure to comment on how impressive his tattoos are up close.
- Black Caviar wins but people are disappointed that it’s close. Speaking points: this is why you shouldn’t seem too good at work: people come to expect it of you
- All the Aussie men were out of Wimbledon early in the week, leaving Australia without a male player in the second round of Wimbledon for the first time since 1938. Then Sam Stosur lost in the third round against Arantxa Rus, saying it hadn’t been her “very best.” Speaking points: I just worry about the poor television commentators having to come up with material about non-Australians. And what about the ratings? It’s a disaster. Also, have you done your very best this week? Imagine if millions of people watched you at your “not very best.“
- Spain and Italy make it to the Euro 2012 final. Speaking points: you should talk about how awesomely nanchalantly Andrea Pirlo scored a penalty shot in the Italy v England game. To watch this, and learn more click here.
- Adelaide Crows coach slams his own team. Speaking points: discuss the merits of discussing this style of management into your workplace.
Emergency go to subject
- Daniel Shak, a US Hedge Fund manager is suing his wife in their divorce for 35% of her $1 million shoe collection which he says she kept secret. Speaking points: It is comforting to know that no one will ever sue me for my shoes. She allegedly had 1200 pairs including 700 Louboutins. Wow.
Prediction for next week
- Politicians will cry. Watch and learn how you can make this work for you in everyday life.