The Flack

How Awesome is it when Sports Stars #Twitterfail?

Posted May 17, 2012 by Montgomery in Sport
Joey Barton

How awesome is it when sports stars #twitterfail?

In short, brilliant.

Twitter, it’s a interesting medium. Whilst it is supposed to allow for a wonderful, free and open global conversation never before made possible, it does all too often feel like you have been put into the middle of a group of teenage girls. Every one is talking but no one is listening.

Unfortunately for our social betters, and in modern times that simply means famous people, this is rarely the case. When they say something, someone is always going to hear it.

And when they say something stupid, we all get to hear it.

You get the feeling that the folk working in communication posts for sporting clubs refer to a ‘pre’ and ‘post’ twitter period with the ‘pre’ being looked back on very fondly.

For the rest of us the ‘post’ period does makes life a little more interesting.

This year in the AFL we have had Gary Ablett Jnr calling Fremantle’s Ryan Crowley a “joke” for his tagging job on Chris Judd and Port Adelaide’s Alipate Carlile sending support to Matthew Scarlett for punching Hayden Ballantyne.

These minor indiscretions pale next to:

Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice calling South African Rugby players “faggots”.

Michael Beasley, the NBA player who tweeted a photo of himself showing off his back tattoo with a bag of weed in shot. (He then went into rehab. Americans are brilliant).

Miguel Torres, the as-a-result-of-this-tweet now ex-UFC fighter, who Tweeted “if a windowless van was called a surprise van more people wouldn’t mind going for rides in them. Everyone likes surprises.” The original message had ‘rape’ instead of ‘windowless’. Oh dear God.

Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics, who sent out publicly what was meant to be a very, very private sexually explicit message with suggestions on what a young lady should be thinking about at that particular moment. He claimed his account had been hacked into…..


Aussie cricketer Dave Warner who made public a previously confidential allegation of Tasmanian bowler Brett Greeves making an on-field racial slur.

The most recent example of sports #twitterfail is the human disaster area that is the English football player, Joey Barton.

Last weekend Joey was playing for his team Queens Park Rangers against Manchester City. QPR was fighting for survival in the English Premier League and City was going for the title. If you haven’t seen the result of this match, you have been living under a sporting rock.

What did get a little brushed over, in what was one of the most incredible games in recent memory, was Joey getting a Red Card for punching City’s Carlos Tevez in the face and then kicking and attempting to headbutt every other player who dared come near him as he walked off the pitch.

He then, God bless him, went to Twitter to state his case….

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Can do nothing but apologise to the players and the fans. Still don’t think its a sending off. Tried to take 1 of their players with me….

Joey starts off by apologising. That’s good. Ruins it by admitting to knowingly trying to incapacitate an opponent after the fact. Will make the appeal tough…

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Still not my proudest moment but who gives a f*ck, we are safe……….and that is all that matters.

Tries and fails to absolve himself of being sent off in the most important game of the season. Has it been mentioned he is the team’s Captain?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

The head was never gone at any stage, once I’d been sent off, one of our players suggested I should try to take 1 of theirs with me…

Stunningly claims he was of sound mind when he tried to incapacitate said opponent and drops a team mate in it for telling him to do it. There goes the insanity plea.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

…Never worked but god loves a trier. #reallynotbother#wearesafe

He is cool with it, so we should be too.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

To all those nuggets who’ve been tweeting about relegation all season…….u were wrong. #chinup

Seems to be claiming some form of credit for staying up? Simply perplexing.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

To those same nuggets, the ones that constantly wrote us of all season. See u in the Premiership next season… #comeonur‘sss

Joey, if we see you in the Premiership next season, and that is highly unlikely, it won’t be until the end of a very long suspension. In case you hadn’t worked this out.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Think a few people are forgetting Tevez started the fracas by throwing a punch to the head…?

Think you are forgetting you made Tevez, pretty handy at his own self implosions, look sane.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Right am off for a bit. Gonna enjoy QPR still being a Premiership club with all my team-mates. Cheerio people

Can only hope they enjoy being with the Captain who got sent off in their time of need as much as you do.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Shearers still on my case…”I know I f*cked up Alan, thanks for stating the obvious.”

Yes, keep the story going by singling out your previous manager, now working as a pundit, for joining the CHORUS of people criticising you.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Whilst were both stating the obvious about each other, can I just say for the record what a great player u were. Well better me…

Is he being generous towards the great Alan Shearer here? Surely not?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

But I have a better hair(which is not hard), wear well better shirts on TV and have a personality(something u lack).

No, no he wasn’t. Sure Alan would give up his vastly superior career for better shirts though, I mean who wouldn’t?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

I really don’t like that prick, in fact I honestly despise him… Goodnight.

Good to clarify that. It might have been missed.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

I’d take it off Hansen and @GaryLineker but not from that bell, same fella that stamped on Neil Lennon,then threatened FA if they banned him

Seriously? You just said you were going to bed?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

…That he would retire from international football. No sorry, not having him, never have. Selfish, boring man him. He can do one…

Still going. What is the QPR media team doing at this point? Surely they are aware of this?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

My favourite memory of him though is when he dropped his spuds when Keano put it on him. Goodnight Al, sleep well matey…

Yep, really doesn’t like him. Again threatens to go to sleep and finally end this.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

With that my #shearerrant is over… Goodnight all xxxxxx

Who on earth are the kisses for? Well at least we know it’s not Alan Shearer. I wonder if #shearerrant trended?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

@GaryLineker no deflections here mate. Think the fact about 100m people seen it will see to that. Just don’t like how he gets personal…

OMG. You are still going. It’s OK though because you just said you liked Gary Lineker so this must be winding down.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Things happen on the pitch, in the heat of battle sometimes. Not how we always plan them to happen.

Wait a minute, you just said part of it you did plan? The taking out the opponent bit? This is very confusing. Note you also haven’t gone to bed.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

@GaryLineker do u wanna go there publicly “Mr Squeaky Clean” ? Think u should have a look in that vast closet of skeltons before u respond.

Okay, so now you are attacking Gary. Didn’t you just tell Alan Shearer you would take criticism from Lineker?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

@GaryLineker I know a lot about THAT side to u the people don’t and won’t bat an eye lid at exposing u. So mind ur manners Squeaky…

No, not from him either then. In fact, when he does you threaten him. What is going on?

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

@GaryLineker now back under your stone you odious little toad…

Do you remember a time when Joey Barton respected Gary Lineker? It was a happier, simpler and more peaceful time….

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Today, I will mostly be spending time with friends or listening to The Smiths… #goodday

Is the QPR survival party going to be listening to the Smiths? I guess when you have Joey as your Captain that kind of makes sense.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

…..So that means I am just listening to The Smiths!

No, apparently not. Sort of sounds like the suspicions about the greeting Joey was going to get from team mates was correct.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

“There’s always someone, somewhere with a big nose, who knows and who trips you up and laughs when you fall…”

This simply does not make any sense!

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Just landed in Portugal. Sun is out, looking forward to relaxing with the family…

Okay it’s over. He is on holiday with the family. Surely the club has spoken to him and told him to stop, for the love of God, stop.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Hearing that the same old stuffs going on back home. People scrambling round, trying to write idiotic stories. Tut tut. Ah, well….LGO!

By idiotic he might mean: accurate descriptions of all that has transpired. But everything is subjective.

Joseph Barton ? ?@Joey7Barton

Think I’ll sit by the pool and reflect on not only on how lucky I am but how hard I work and how far that hard work has taken me…

Wow. Just wow. You have gone a long way Joey, and you have seemed to work pretty hard to get there…..

Step aside Kanye, we have a new Twitter king.

If you haven’t followed Mr Barton, it might be high time that you did.



About the Author


As a teenager Montgomery was rescued from a refugee camp on the outskirts of the town of Owerri in the aftermath of the Biafran War (his father had been aide-de-camp to the leader of the Biafran forces, the inspiration for the Frederick Fortsyth novel The Dogs of War, General Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu). His deliverance was facilitated by the maid to a reasonably unintelligent KGB sponsored Belarusian investment banker named Kirill who was looking to start, ultimately unsuccessfully, a high tech synthetic industry in Nigeria. He made his way to Melbourne after studying only six months of a Business Ethics Degree at the Kyungpook National University in South Korea. The circumstances of his departure, whilst well publicized at the time, are not something Montgomery has ever discussed publicly and much mystery still surrounds the current location of the Golden Tiger. Upon arrival it did not take long for Montgomery to find his way. Shunning job offers in more traditional industries, he made his fortune writing books for children featuring a likeable, though somewhat dour, bandicoot and speculating on the Brazilian Real. Whilst his appreciation of Rugby Union has grown over the years, the rules that govern the game remain a mystery to him.