The week of Slipper gate
What a week! Thank goodness for Anzac Day breaking the week in half. You toasted the Diggers several times which made it hard to be on your best game Thursday. Then Friday rolled around and you still hadn’t really read the papers or watched the news. But now you want to big it up at Friday night drinks without looking like a dunce. What to do? A solution is at hand.
What to read if you’ve been too busy to read this week.
- Peter Slipper stands down amidst sexual harassment allegations and claims he rorted taxi expense claims. Yesterday, he cleared himself of the taxi allegations and said he wanted his job back. Speaking points: this is bad for Labor. Awkward. Qui cum canibus concumbunt cum pulicibus surgent.
- Bill Shorten moves to put the HSU into administration. Speaking points: Kathy Jackson (the union secretary) called it a “cheap political stunt.” Unionists have said the last time the government intervened in a union’s internal affairs was the BLF. Amazing that it has happened under a Labor government. Decisive.
- Ford shuts its Australian operations until Wednesday and stands down 1800 workers after a supplier is put into administration. Speaking points: the plant will re-open but the 80 jobs of the supplier are in doubt.
- Chopper Read takes to twitter to reveal he has cancer but says despite liver problems, he won’t be petitioning for a liver transplant as others are more deserving. Speaking points: Chopper Read has 3760 twitter followers. Does this make you feel inadequate about your number of followers?
- Sarkozy goes to the polls and is now fighting for survival against the frontrunner, Socialist Francois Hollande, in next week’s presidential election run-off. To be reelected, he must attract the votes of many of the record 6.4 million people who voted for the far right’s Marine Le Pen the first time. Speaking points: you’ll be amazed to learn that the daughter of Jean-Marie Le Pen is also controversial. Last year she said that the weekly illegal blocking of public streets and squares throughout France (notably the rue Myrha in the 18th arrondissement of Paris) for Muslim prayers is comparable with an occupation of parts of French territory.
- Sensational testimony in the case against former Democratic Presidential hopeful, John Edwards, in which it is alleged that he said the woman he was having an affair with “she was a crazy slut and there was a one-in-three chance that it was his.” Speaking points: what a shame this guy did not become US President.
- An anti-human-trafficking ad goes viral. Speaking points: the looks on the faces of the people watching at the end are compelling.
- Rupert Murdoch appears in front of the Leveson inquiry and is cross examined with good comic effect by Robert Jay QC. Speaking points: the way the media is reporting this is fairly triumphant. The Age actually has in its story, “Here are some of the best exchanges.” Now that’s what I call journalism.
- Vogue deletes a puff piece about Syria’s first lady from its website. Speaking points: obviously she is ghastly but also, how great would it be if you could do this for mistakes in your own life. Oh that thing, didn’t happen!
Entertainment & Gossip
- Missy Higgins releases her first single in five years. Speaking points: she’s got blonde hair now. The video is a bit arty. She is pretty awesome but always strikes me as just a tiny bit smug. Maybe I would be too if I was that cute. Pretty sure she votes for the Greens. At the end of the new video, she inexplicably ends up clothed only in small colourful bits of paper folded into paper cranes and looking a bit put out.
- The Hoff leaves Celebrity Apprentice. Speaking points: Jason Akermanis is angry about this. Does this mean that we all like The Hoff more?
- The Voice dominates ratings and makes people cry. Speaking points: will it survive now that the blind audition shenanigans are over?
- Cher sells the key to the city of Adelaide given to her in 1990 for £55,000 on eBay. Speaking points: she says it is a stuff up by her office – way to defend your staff. Also, great that a key to Adelaide is worth that much. Go Adelaide!
- Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley adopt a second daughter. Speaking points: isn’t it amazing how quickly actors seem to be able to adopt? Aren’t you glad that children’s services answer to the higher calling of “celebrity?”
- Collingwood wins the Pies vs Bombers clash in a thrilling one point finish. Speaking points: you’d have to say Collingwood earned this as they were leading for most of the game. Although, if you hate Collingwood, you would not have to say that at all. Up to you. Should other teams get to play on the big day?
- Brisbane Roar wins A-League Grand Final after a controversial penalty is awarded. Also they give man of the match to the wrong person accidentally. Speaking points: get angry about all of it. Berisha’s haircut tells you all you need to know about him, though remember do disapprove under your breath because he is passionate and Albanian. Full recap here.
- Ange Postecoglou appointed Melbourne Victory Coach. Speaking points: why do they call coaches, “managers” in some sports? But back to Ange: this is a relief for Victory; it can’t get much worse.
- Chicago White Sox’s Phil Humber throws a perfect game in a 4-0 win against the Seattle Mariners. Speaking points: given the unexpected nature of his achievement, the Late Show did a top ten thoughts that went through his head at the time which included, “Thank goodness I drafted myself for my fantasy team.”
- Ricky Ponting dismissed by a “periscope”. Speaking points: I would like to dismiss some people in my life by periscope. It sounds detached but comical.
Emergency go to subject
- Madeleine McCann could still be alive say UK Police and release pictures of what she might look like, if alive. Speaking points: it is amazing what they can do with computers these days.
Prediction for next week
- You will wish you had remembered to watch the new Andrew Denton game show, Randling on Wednesday at 8.30pm. Interesting how hard the ABC is advertising it on The Age website.
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